The Shadow's Realm http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/ The personal blog of a 16 year old girl making her way through life. Final Countdown http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/archives.php?id=165 Sitting here now, there is less than 12 hours until I return to school for the final 5 weeks of school. It simply blows my mind that I have 5 weeks left in the school year before I become a senior. I guess it's really 8 more weeks for me, as I have my Mexico trip after school gets out and then summer government. But still; there's a difference between being in school for 8 hours everyday and only being there for 3 or 4. Still, just being able to count the number of actual school weeks on one hand...it's...crazy. So tell me, are you guys anticipating summer? Oh, by the way, I also figured out the code for my RSS feed! So feel free to subscribe. At What Point? http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/archives.php?id=166 At what point is it just not worth it anymore? At what point is it better to give up something you love because it hurts so much? I'm beginning to wonder if I've arrived at that point. I'm tired of fighting, but I don't know what else to do. I don't agree, and I'm time of being patronized to try and convince me that I do. I don't. I think you're butchering a great book by trying to find your propaganda in it. I absolutely love the book, but stop butchering it! Not everything in it agrees with you. Stop trying to make it! Don't tell me I'm not a shadow, you're already putting me there. Already my opinion doesn't matter to you. How can you expect me to support something when I disagree with it? You want to know what's wrong? You're screwing me over for politics. Melon Splash http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/archives.php?id=167 So if you've been watching the site at all today, you'll have seen it in various stages of disarray as I've put up a new layout for the summer. It focuses on three main colors on top of a white & gray background. The colors being very bright, and in my opinion, "melony". The inspiration of this design came via one of the numerous css showcases that I browse. That design focused its attention on just one accent color and had numerous sidebars. Because I'm lame, I decided on three accent colors and just one sidebar. =) Some of the pages had been given a facelift in the process, while others I've left alone. The biggest thing to note probably, even though I haven't gotten that far in the revamp yet, is that you will be able to hire me for program & design work. Also, some of my portfolio pieces, which are mainly old layouts for this website, will be available for purchase. Those pieces have not been marked yet, but they will be soon. Want to be the first to know about the new updates to TSR? Subscribe to my RSS Feed. Summer Diet http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/archives.php?id=168 So, let's be honest. I am not the slimmest person around. While I don't consider myself obese or anything of the like, I would certainly be okay with losing a few pounds, primarily from my stomach. Of course, my big problem is finding the right way to do that. I'm not so dumb as to believe that I can take a pill and my fat will just melt away. I know that it is going to take time and effort on my part, I have to actively attempt to change. And I think I am willing to do that. But, the issue is figuring out what I can do to help that. A few months ago, I started eating yogurt pretty regularly, and I noticed I was losing some pounds from my waist, which was great! The problem was though, that after eating yogurt on a daily basis for several weeks, I lost any good feelings toward it, it just no longer tasted good. I also attempted to eat grapefruit, and found that it didn't taste so great to me. Now that marching band has started, I know I'll start losing some weight, but I'm trying to think of some exercise that I can do to help keep it off. I try and walk my dog once a week, but I need ideas on what else I can do. If you have any ideas on how I can jumpstart my diet, and better yet, a way to keep it off, let me know. 3 Days Left http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/archives.php?id=169 So today is the first of July, which means that in 3 days I will depart from Indiana with my two brothers and set off south to see our mother in Kansas. Where in the past, I've somewhat looked forward to seeing her, this time marks a significant land mark for me emotionally in that I don't. I haven't seen her in a year, since last summer, and it wouldn't bother me to do it again. Maybe it's because I've grown used to not having her in my life, and it's beginning to hit me that next summer, I won't have to go see her if I don't want to. I'll turn 18 years old in May, a legal adult - the court ruling in terms of custody will no longer apply to me. It's a rather awkward feeling, if I'm honest. Because while I think my mother is a less than perfect one, I still love her. I mean, I guess I don't think that our lack of a relationship makes her a bad person. I know she means well, I guess its just to late for that to affect me? I don't know. It's complicated. Have you ever had to deal with something like this? Leaving your friends behind for what some would call a "less than perfect" family vacation? Summer Reading Log http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/archives.php?id=170 So, in line with a tradition I started last year, I will be keeping a summer reading log. These books are usually just the ones that I read while I'm at my mother's house in Liberal. With only 3 weeks here, my list will be a little bit shorter than before, but I hope to get through some good books while I'm here.
No Completed Books
Epic Failure http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/archives.php?id=171 You know that feeling that you get when everything seems to be collapsing around you all at once? That happened to me in this last month. Everything, from my relationship to school, was falling down on my head. I was letting the most stupid things get into my head and it was messing with the way I saw the world around me. I was utterly confused, and it was starting to have some serious impacts. I was physically sick all the time and missed almost a week of school because of it. All because I was too stupid to realize what was going on. We all have those emotional barriers, walls, that we put up to prevent ourselves from getting hurt. Well, mine got smashed to bits. Every last defense I had got absolutely shattered. It's taken me almost a month, but I think I've finally managed to build them back up. The most important thing I learned? Some patterns will never change. All my life I've been picked up and dropped like I was a rag doll. It happens without fail in all my relationships: we're tight for a while and then something happens and we can't even meet each others gaze for a while, and then you come back into my life, wanting forgiveness, wanting to return to the way things used to be. Maybe because I'm terrified of ending up alone, I don't mind letting things go for the sake of the greater good. One day, I just hope that I can be strong enough to stand up for my broken walls and say no, that it's not okay. I just don't get why it has to be so damn difficult all the time. Why, just once, can't I have a friend who will stick by me no matter what and won't put me by the wayside if they get bored? Bittersweet http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/archives.php?id=172 So as of approximately 10:30 pm, October 31st, 2009, I am no longer a member of marching band. After four years of hard work and dedication, my final season came to end at the awards ceremony for the Class A state finalists. It was the first time our band had ever gone to State Finals in Class A, so no matter what happened, I knew that I would be ending a chapter of my life on an amazing note. When our band was called 9th, I was ecstatic, though I really had hoped for 7th or 8th. Either way though, it was a fantastic note to end on, and the memories that I've had from participating will never go away. Of course, this makes the ending of the season a rather bittersweet sensation. It's obviously sweet because we got to end it on such a great note, but it is also bitter, because it is the end. As a freshmen, I couldn't understand why the seniors were so bothered by it all. Even as a sophomore, I wasn't sure that I entirely got it. But when I watched some of my best friends graduate when I was a junior, I began to have an understanding. All season, I've done my best to try and push aside the thoughts that yes, this was my last year. I think, as I lifted my head at our last set at Lucas Oil stadium, it finally hit me that I was done. So I guess, what I really want to try and say, is that you need to cherish the memories that you make with other people, and the time that you get to spend with them, because before you know it, that time is over. Bittersweet http://www.theshadowsrealm.com/archives.php?id=172 So as of approximately 10:30 pm, October 31st, 2009, I am no longer a member of marching band. After four years of hard work and dedication, my final season came to end at the awards ceremony for the Class A state finalists. It was the first time our band had ever gone to State Finals in Class A, so no matter what happened, I knew that I would be ending a chapter of my life on an amazing note. When our band was called 9th, I was ecstatic, though I really had hoped for 7th or 8th. Either way though, it was a fantastic note to end on, and the memories that I've had from participating will never go away. Of course, this makes the ending of the season a rather bittersweet sensation. It's obviously sweet because we got to end it on such a great note, but it is also bitter, because it is the end. As a freshmen, I couldn't understand why the seniors were so bothered by it all. Even as a sophomore, I wasn't sure that I entirely got it. But when I watched some of my best friends graduate when I was a junior, I began to have an understanding. All season, I've done my best to try and push aside the thoughts that yes, this was my last year. I think, as I lifted my head at our last set at Lucas Oil stadium, it finally hit me that I was done. So I guess, what I really want to try and say, is that you need to cherish the memories that you make with other people, and the time that you get to spend with them, because before you know it, that time is over.